August 2011 Archives

About a month ago via my Google+ account which I must admit I'm using less and less frequently (basically Facebook is winning the day!), I linked to a BBC article which indicated that Google is insisting that people use their real names while on Google+. More recently in a CNN article is was explained that Google+ was "built as an identity service, so fundamentally, it depends on people using their real names if they're going to build future products that leverage that information."

Now as someone who is pretty out there on the Internet, I fully embrace this decision. So when I linked to the BBC article, I wrote: "Yup, I think we should all use our real names while participating via social network."

A few friends plus one my comment and others wrote:

FRIEND A - Me too!

FRIEND B - Fully agreed; why hide ourselves, unless for wrong reasons?

FRIEND C - Besides the reasons listed in the article that Ursula linked here, there are a lot of very valid concerns about security on social networking sites (yeah, even this one...). I have a lot of close friends who choose to use alternate names on other social networking sites because of the nature of their jobs and desire to not be searchable by anything connected to their work, like real names.

FRIEND D - That's a bold statement considering that you yourself admitted doing searches on people's real names on social networks as part of a professional background check. Why shouldn't I use my real name? Because my personal life is not my professional life, and FB has proven many times that simply locking down one's privacy settings is not reliable. If I could trust employers to think of my personal life as personal and to not let their own opinions and prejudices come into play, it'd be different. We don't live in that world.

ME - There are systems out there to make the connection between your professional and personal self on the Internet. Using a pseudonym might make it a bit more of a challenge to connect the dots, but trust me; we always leave clues so the connection will be made. Thus if you don't want an employer or anyone else for that matter to connect the dots, would suggest that things you wish to keep private and not known off the Internet. Harsh, but that is the reality. Writing under a pseudonym is no guarantee that it will stay private and not be connected to you in the long run. We leave fingerprints (words, pictures, etc.) all over and as much as it would be great if our professional and private self didn't get merge, they have. So if an employer or anyone else digs hard enough, they will find it all!

FRIEND D - There's a big difference between an employer going out of their way to learn your personal information and it being the first thing they see when they Google your name. In my opinion, employers should be barred from digging into your personal information on the internet. Consider that an employer (in the US) is not permitted to ask your political affiliation, religion or your medical history unless they can 100% prove it to be necessary for the job. However, they are permitted to search for your name, even though they initiate the search. If they learn those things, technically, they still can't bias the hiring process based on it, but there's no way to prove whether they have or not and thus it happens. And, even with aliases, that information will end up on the internet in a church roster somewhere or a donation tally, or even the results of a race that includes fundraising. (It's not a huge leap that if you Google someone and see that they're constantly doing walks or runs for breast cancer that perhaps it either runs in their family or they currently have it.)

The real solution is for employers to get their heads out of their asses, realize that everyone relaxes with friends, everyone has personal interests, and everyone has a skeleton in their closet...and that none of that influences a person's ability to do a job well. Look at politics...that's what happens when you treat people's personal lives as public as part of a job evaluation. You end up with people who aren't necessarily qualified so much as bland and generally vice-less. But, until that happens, if a social network wants to be successful, it needs to recognize the need for privacy and aliases.

Now I could have continued the dialogue with FRIEND D as I even agree with some of her points - but the reality is that in the fast changing world of social media, the Internet and electrical devices in general (that includes computers, cameras, phones, etc.), lots of information is being shared and the only way to achieve privacy is not to leave your house, communicate or interact with anyone via any means. Thinking that your privacy - more specifically your private life - is protected online because you use a pseudonym is a false economy.

The fact of the matter is that every day we give out information about ourselves to family, friends, colleagues, social clubs, charities, churches, businesses, political organisations, government agencies, etc. So even if you don't put anything out there from your private life under your real name, someone else will.

Heck, if you Google my name among other things, you'll find some pictures of me looking more rubenesque (some of these I actually posted) and results for varying 5K races I ran nearly 10 years ago (I didn't post any of these). Now there is nothing salacious about my racing times other than the fact that they are rubbish, but if I was trying to remain invisible, I would have failed.

So my motto is to live life to the fullest while creating an online persona under your real name so even if a potential employer finds out information that you'd rather them not see; at least they have a more complete picture of you as a person because you've put stuff out there under your real name. Also recognise that if a company isn't going to hire you because of something you may have done in your private life, then really, that company isn't for you. Trust me; destiny will lead you to something much much better and greater!

For nearly three weeks, no contact from either Basherter or RacquetBallGuy. Then in a space of a few hours, both initiate contact. Neither conversation is particularly warm and fuzzy!

The one with Basherter was quite reserved and the one with RacquetBallGuy was quite strained. But he did disclose that he got the job in London so he is moving here next March if not sooner.

Now considering that he's been trying to move here for years, I'm pleased for him but I have to admit that I have mixed feelings. As I've alluded to before, part of me just wants to close this chapter of my life because can you ever really rekindle the romance with an ex when the circle of trust has been broken? I just don't know.

Yet another part of me wants to make a final attempt to explore if we can properly court again and progress things further. Surely living in the same city will help tremendously. This has been the major challenge in our last few attempts to date again.

Oh, why are matters of the heart so complex?

Anyway, the first real clue about whether or not the flame really still burns for both of us will come in October when he visits London. And so here is me hoping that the next few weeks speed along. I find all this uncertainty unsettling and in a way prevents me from properly exploring other opportunities.

Oh I do hope I'm not being foolish by waiting. But I'm just not very good at juggling multiple men at the same time! :(

To keep things interesting on my daily walks throughout Bromley, I vary my route and make sure that my iPod is loaded with a good selection of music and podcasts. I also make sure that my iPhone is fully changed as I often stop to take pictures of flowers, plants, trees, animals, houses, etc. - basically, anything that tickles my fancy!

Seeing the houses across Bromley (especially the large ones), fills me with excitement and also turns me into a dreamer. I dream about what it would be like to own and decorate one of these mansion-like houses that are much larger than my two up/two down end terrace home. The voyeur in me wonders about their current state on the inside and the people who currently live in them.

Since I don't know anyone who lives in these homes, to gain perspective, I search Zoopla.co.uk which in my opinion is property porn. Particularly as they display historical and current property listings along with value and price trend information. Thus, I can easily find out the current valuation for a property along with previous sale prices. Also, I can see pictures of inside these homes - well as least the ones that have recently been on sale. Exciting stuff I tell, VERY EXCITING!

So beyond snooping into other people's property from the comfort of my couch, I constantly check out the current valuation for my own home, as well as the valuations for others in my street and the neighbourhood at large. I do so for reassurance that buying a property at the height of the most recent UK boom (Summer 2007) wasn't a crazy decision.

Thankfully things are going my way. Heck, another house on my street with exact layout and similar standard is currently on sale for £25,000 more than I paid. So I am quietly rooting them on - hoping and praying that someone comes along who is willing to pay the asking price. Heck, maybe even a bit more. As when I come to sell this place (one day!), I need to recoup my initial investment which was a huge chunk of my life savings and then make a bit of profit so I can work my way up the property ladder.

Hopefully, just hopefully - I'll be heading back in the city closer to the action and who knows, maybe even Notting Hill my dream destination! Of course, unlike the homes in Bromley, it most likely won't be a detached or semi-detached, but who cares. It just needs to have three/four bedrooms and a small garden. Now that's not too much to ask, is it? Hopefully not as I already have a picture of the house on my vision board. Hmmm!

You can view more photos of properties in Bromley in my Facebook Around Bromley: Houses album.

The riots in London and elsewhere in the UK almost got the Notting Hill Carnival cancelled. Luckily, the organisers after consultation with Mayor Boris Johnson, the police and other officials decided to move forward. The compromise was that the event would end slightly earlier.

Now even before the possible cancellation, friends had tried to talk me into joining a troupe. I resisted. Not because I didn't think it would be fun; mores because I knew that parading through Notting Hill for 8+ hours would be exhausting. And yeah, there is the question of facilities; toilet facilities to be exact. I get obsessed about these things.

Anyway, from what I could see, the first day of Europe's largest Caribbean inspired street festival went rather smoothly. I suppose the 5,000 Metropolitan Police on the street had something to do with that.

Also, carnival has simply always been about having a good time. Meaning, the more than one million people who come to this two day event, do so to: view the elaborate floats, eat some yummy Caribbean food, drink a pint or two, dance a bit and just genuinely have some fun!

So it's good that things progressed as the scale of this event makes it a near dress rehearsal for the upcoming Olympics next year. By the way, have I mentioned that I have tickets for the Olympics? Can't wait! It's going to be epic!

Below is one of my favourite pictures taken at Notting Hill Carnival 2011. Yeah, its of a cop being "wukk up" on from both sides! Luckily she had a sense of humour!

You can view more in my Day Out: Notting Hill Carnival 2011 Facebook album!

I've been giving some serious thought as to why I am still really single. And the conversation below offers some insight:

[17/06/2011 21:07:24] Basherter: I don't know if I could live up to the expectations.
[17/06/2011 21:07:46] Me: What expectations do you think I have?
[17/06/2011 21:08:08] Basherter: I have no idea.
[17/06/2011 21:08:22] Me: So what is there then to live up to?
[17/06/2011 21:09:37] Basherter: Don't know.

Now Basherter isn't the first man to tell me this and so I've got to acknowledge that I give off some kind of signal. The kind of signal that says: " I am a strong, independent, successful black woman and if you want to come close, you better measure up to certain standards and expectations that are perhaps only achievable by a select few. Heck, I don't really need you!"

Why else to explain why I never get asked out on dates. And even when I do, they never really go very far. I perhaps need to be more vulnerable and share not just what I'm thinking but feeling. You know, be a bit more exposed, open and honest about what's going on in my life and not just tell my potential partner the surface stuff I tell most people. Because, the reality is that since my mom died some 17 years ago, I have been continually tired of having to be the brave strong one holding things together in the face of adversity.

So with the right person - a Basherter type - based in London, I think I'm finally ready to do that. I need to be otherwise life will continue to pass me by and the dream of having a family of my own will be unrealised.

So I pray the lord will soon bless me with someone who will fill me with the confidence and courage to take that chance to share more of myself and my vulnerabilities.

The fact of the matter is that we all want to feel needed and so I need to show a man, the right type of man how blessed and enriched my life will be by having him be a part of my journey.

I also need to be clear that my expectations are not unrealistic. They are merely the sort of things you'd expect/want in a loving relationship. Money and materialism aren't high on the priority list. Sure I want to live in a fabulous house in a really nice neighbourhood and take trips all over the world, but I'm not looking to live beyond our means. Particularly as I want both of us to be doing things we love and not be stuck in a career/job just because we need to maintain a certain lifestyle.

Furthermore, I am more interested in being in a partnership where there is mutual respect, love and adoration. Sure there are going to be challenges and difficult times, but with honest dialogue and communication, working as a team we can get though anything! That's what I truly believe. Heck, considering all I've endured on my own, I know I have much to offer a loyal partner with a view to us becoming a successful team and extended family unit.

Confession! I miss Basherter. A lot!

I haven't spoken to him in 14 days and I feel like I have had a limb cut off. Sometimes there is a tightness in my chest and I can't breathe. But thankfully after a few minutes the moment passes and life goes on.

So why am I missing him so much? Well we developed a bond these past 8 months and it went way beyond sexual attraction. We would talk about almost anything and he would always answer my questions with enthusiam and without hesitation.

Sometimes when we were conversing, hours would pass and it felt like minutes. It all happened with such ease. And for me, it was intellectual intercourse - something I hadn't had in a long, long time with a man. He was (is) a kindred spirit!

That is perhaps why I got things all confused in my head and couldn't put him back in the friend box even though I was desperately trying to as I agreed with the reasons - really REASON for us not exploring a romantic relationship. Heck, I'm grateful to him for being the sensible one and not letting things run away into dream land.

So now there are moments when I feel gloomy because he's not there for me to talk to or consult with. I wonder how the project is going. I want input on my own project but I resist the urge to reach out because more time is needed.

How long I'm not so sure. But I don't expect to hear from him. After all, I'm the one that said I "couldn't do this anymore." Also I stopped being available for chat on Skype. Will he be there when I get back? I hope so, but it's perhaps just my wishful thinking.

So it is what it is! I know that any attempts to re-establish the friendship will need to come from me and while he's said his friendship remains open to me, who knows what will happen when I reach out to him.

Hopefully he will be receptive, but only time will tell.

And oh yeah, for those of you wondering - well what about RacquetBallGuy? Well I haven't heard from him either, and if I'm really honest, can't say I'm missing him. I am use to his disappearing act. It's one of the main reasons why I have such doubts that we will ever live happily ever after.

When things get difficult or there is a disagreement, he retreats. Perhaps he thinks he's giving me time to think through it all. But really, two weeks of no contact?

If he was finally serious about giving me that which I truly desired, after a few days perhaps, he would have made an attempt to get in touch letting me know that it Is going to be ok. That he understands. Or even if he didn't understand, he was trying to understand.

But that hasn't happened here and so really, it just shows me that nothing has changed and once again I can't really count on him and for that reason I just wish he would disappear permanently.

I am tired of him talking the talk but not walking the walk. I am tired of the drama and the craziness. I just want it to end.

There is so much in London I'd like to do and see. However, time doesn't always seem to be on my side. Or perhaps its more my thinking that I'll be here for a while and so will eventually get around to doing everything on my checklist!

One activity on my list that I need to get around to real fast is visiting The Travel Bookshop. Founded in 1979, the store came to prominence in the late 90s after being featured in the hit romantic comedy Notting Hill starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant.

This movie is partly to blame for me being here in London. Why? Well I watched it quite often and even fantasied about meeting a Hugh Grant type (bubbly posh English chap!) and living happily ever after in Notting Hill.

Thus, how funny that when I eventually moved to London, I ended up living in Wimbledon and now Bromley. Neither is even near Notting Hill. And yeah, I haven't had a proper romance with an English guy - black or white for that matter!

Anyway, as the bookstore closes in two weeks, I'll have to pay a visit. Particularly as they are having a closing down sale so perhaps I'll be able to pick up a few good books to add to my collection.

My fitness challenge is going well. Since starting on Saturday, I have walked approximately 26 miles.

However, getting a bit concerned as my right knee is feeling a bit weak. So need to build leg strength.

That involves building in time after my morning walk to put a cold pack around each knee for about fifteen minutes. Also, spend time doing the recommended knee strengthening exercises (see video below)! Then in the evening, repeat the exercises and put a heat pad/warm towel around the knees for half an hour.

Another thing is to stick to the 3 to 4 miles goal during the work week and then one long walk at the weekend. Because as much I might feel like an energiser bunny at times and want to keep going, I need to pace myself so I can go the distance with this challenge. Key to that is building knee and leg strength.

Headline coverage in the major US & UK tabloid newspapers yesterday hinted that the marriage of Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith was coming to an end. I imagine this news was shocking to most as they always seem so happy and loved up!

Now, just a mere 24hours later, there are denials from the couple. Whatever the case, I have long since stopped having any faith in most celebrity marriages. Sure there are some that are genuine, but most are manufactured or maintained long after their expiry date for professional reasons.

Some would say this is a very cynical view, but how else do you explain so many celebrity couples suddenly splitting without any prior bad press about their marrage? Case in point is: Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony. For years, they kept up the charade of a happy marriage and then bam -- they send out a statement via People Magazine announcing they are ending things.

Surprise? Surprise? No! Considering all of the pressures of marriage mixed with the excesses of the celebrity lifestyle, I'd be surprised if the success rate is even 30% for those at the top of the profession.

Note: Lucky for Architechtural Digest that Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith are presenting a united front. Or they would have egg on their face for profiling a celebrity couple on their September issue going through a divorce!

A tribute to Motown songwriter, Nick Ashford who passed away yesterday at the age of 70. He wrote hit songs like: Ain't No Mountain High Enough, I'm Every Woman, Solid As A Rock with his wife Valerie Simpson.

He also wrote one of my favourite all time songs: You're All I Need To Get By sung in the video below by Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell!

The full lyrics:

You're all I need to get by.
Like the sweet morning dew,
I took one look at you,
And it was plain to see,
you were my destiny.
With my arms open wide,
I threw away my pride
I'll sacrifice for you
Dedicate my life to you
I will go where you lead
Always there in time of need
And when I lose my will
You'll be there to push me up the hill
There's no, no looking back for us
We got love sure 'nough, that's enough
You're all, You're All I need to get by.

You're all I need to get by.
Like an eagle protects his nest, for you I'll do my best,
Stand by you like a tree, dare anybody to try and move me
Darling in you I found
Strength where I was torn down
Don't know what's in store but together we can open any door
Just to do what's good for you and inspire you a little higher
I know you can make a man out of a soul that didn't have a goal
Cause we, we got the right foundation and with love and determination

You're all, you're all I want to strive for and do a little more
You're all, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into one
You're all, You're all I need to get by.

Absolutely beautiful!

The Arab Spring which kicked off with demonstrations in Tunisia and Egypt is very much a work in progress. But it's good to see so many people across these Middle Eastern countries rise up, protest and fight for what we in the West take for granted.

What's been really impressive is how the use of social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, etc. which were blamed for aiding the riots in London, have been used so skilfully to organise, communicate, and raise awareness in the struggle to rid their countries of tyrannical rulers.

So here's hoping that these people will eventually get that which they truly desire -- freedom and real democracy!

Via one of my favourite blogs: Afrobella, I came across a New York Times article featuring some stunning black and white photos of women rocking their hair natural. How refreshing after all the drama last week with Nivea. Below is one of these dramatic photographs taken by Alice O'Malley featuring Solange Knowles.

Heck yeah -- we're Michigan! We are the Wolverines and we're going to rain supreme in the Big House!

It looks like the end is near for another Middle Eastern dictator. Specifically, rebel forces opposed to Libya's leader Col Muammar Gaddafi have swept into Tripoli after a six-month insurgency and will most likely take control of the capital sometime in the next few days!

This is a good thing considering that Gaddafi has ruled Libya with an iron fist since he seized power some fourty two years ago. He has routinely suppressed political descent. Heck, he banned political parties and routinely imprisoned, tortured or murdered his critics.

So change in this instant is good. In the year 2011, no one should have to live under such an oppressive brutal regime. Of course, the real question - what comes now? Hopefully a more Democratic society, but one can never tell these days.

Tribal, ethnic and religious rivalries that have been suppressed will need to be kept in check. Otherwise, we will have after Iraq on our hands. In that situation, coalition forces swept into Bagdad claiming victory in record speed but there was no plan to maintain control or rebuild the country. Thus, key government and public works systems fell apart, institutions were looted and 8 years on, the country is still a long way from recovering.

So hopefully NATO which has supporting the rebel forces will have a better plan for Libya. As the last thing we need is another unstable Middle Eastern country.

What does it say about current House of Common's Speaker John Bercow that he couldn't convince his wife Sally Bercow not to go on UK Celebrity Big Brother?

Now I can relate to Sally Bercow because I too am independent, strong willed and free spirited. And I don't think that you should have to simply sit quietly in the corner and be a wallflower just because your spouse has a high ranking government position.

But Big Brother? Considering the unique nature of her position -- being married to the highest commoner in the land -- is this the best she could do to take a dig at the establishment?

Having watched a bit of the show (where do I go to get my time back?), I think she is proving to be an attention-seeking liability to her husband.

Case in point, was it really necessary for her to tell the world among other things that she gave her husband a "dirty weekend" so as to support her decision to go on Big Brother?

With all of this and more that I'm sure to come, wouldn't be surprised if John divorced her or at a minimum gave her the cold shoulder for embarrassing them both while in the house. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if the Labour Party takes her off the approved list of candidates for Parliament.

For the last two years, I've been trying to get closer to the ideal weight for my age, height and gender. For vanity but also health reasons.

So I got fanatical and watched what I eat and worked out - a lot! During moments of frustration/madness, I also tried a few extreme diets. One involved drinking this crazy maple syrupy drink that was sprinkled with cayenne pepper. It was the Beyonce inspired diet.

Now I knew it was crazy, just like all the others, but when you count calories and work out regularly and yet the scale doesn't budge, you get desperate.

Anyway, not wanting to consider myself a total failure, I began to take comfort in achieving and maintaining a weight which is only twenty pounds from my ideal weight. If I fell off the wagon, I'd fret as I got closer to the number at which I decided, I must take drastic action. Thus, I weigh myself every morning.

This perhaps would be a bit much for most people but I'm not yet at the stage where I have my weight under control and so this is one of the things I must do to make sure I don't backtrack.

In the middle of last week, I was two pounds away from the must take drastic action weight. As I'd been emotional eating for about ten days, it wasn't really a surprise. Heck, I eat a 425g tub of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream on Thursday night all in one sitting.

The frustrating thing about this situation, is that I didn't have the ice cream at home. I left my house around 9pm after an hour of internal dialogue trying to decide whether or not to go get it.

I felt so guilty about not having enough willpower to resist temptation, that even though I eat it all in sitting, I didn't really enjoy it. And not surprisingly, when I got on the scale the next morning, I was heavier - by three pound to be exact! Yikes!

Then and there, I decided that starting at the weekend, I was going to recommit to working out. The recent boy drama was a trigger for backsliding but no point in letting things spiral out of control.

Enough with the takeaway meals and oh yeah, being so lazy that I don't want to get up and out for my morning walk which has always been such a positive start to my day.

So I've set myself a new fitness challenge. What exactly? Well for the next twenty one days, I am going to walk for at least an hour a day - roughly three to four miles. Also, I am going to spend about 30minutes each day doing exercises to strength my lower back and knees.

Why twenty one days? Well research has shown it takes roughly twenty one days to successfully introduce/reintroduce a new routine into your life.

How am I going to keep myself honest? Well I'm posting activity to my RunKeeper account which updates my Facebook and Twitter feed. Also, by putting it here on my blog, I know I'll do everything possible to successfully complete the challenge.

Failure is simply not an option. I can't afford to relapse. Definitely not over boy drama!

So stay tuned. I hope to lose a stone (fourteen pounds) to get me back squarely in the comfort zone and on way to ideal weight.

The line "leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again" from John Denver's song is on repeat in my head. Its a song about a man who is going on a journey and doesn't say a proper goodbye to his lover as he doesn't know when he's coming back.

Not surprisingly, recent events with Basherter and RacquetBallGuy are to blame for me thinking about this song because like the character in John's song, I sometimes take the easy way out. I leave without really ending things. Heck, RacquetBallGuy and I didn't really break up when I moved to London. And if you ask Basherter, he'd tell you that my decision to withdraw from our budding friendship was somewhat abrupt.

The unfortunate result is that this seems to endure exboyfriends to me as they keep trying to coming back. Thus my recent desire to clean house and implement the no contact rule with all exboyfriends.

Heck, MrFixItGuy called me five time on my birthday and I didn't pick up any of the calls. He called a couple times the next day and there again got no reply from me. So thinking he got the hint and now realises that I'm really serious about no contact under any circumstances.

I'll apply this same strategy with RacquetBallGuy if things don't work out on this go around. The situation has dragged on way too long and in a way, it's perhaps held me back from really moving forward and being open to new opportunities.

Anyway, this song is also speaking to me as there is the allure of picking up and travelling without a destination or end date to the trip.

Thus, why I decided to purchase a house three years ago is still somewhat of a mystery to me! I now view this decision as a moment of complete insanity as there is so much of the world that I want to see and having a property (which I know is a blessing) feels like a ball and chain around my neck most days.

Heck, one of the main reasons for moving to Europe was to do further travel, lots of it! The ideal base would have been Paris but since I'm not fluent in French and oh yeah, my then employer didn't have a Paris office, I settled for London.

I'm not complaining. London is an amazing city to live in as its quite cosmopolitan and with easy access to continental Europe I've gotten the opportunity to visit some of the great cities I'd just read about in history books.

In the first two years, I did quite a bit of travelling. I went to: Barcelona, Amsterdam, Prague, Paris (three times), Vienna and Bologna, Italy. Then I stopped travelling after the Prague trip where my money purse got stolen. My fault really as I was a bit careless while shopping at an H&M store.

At any rate, I remember getting off the plane at Gatwick Airport and coming though the arrivals gate and being overwhelmed with emotion. There were lots of people there like the ending of Love Actually waiting for family and friends but no one was there to greet me and I was immediately filled with sadness and cried all the way home. Not wanting to experience that again, I decided enough with the solo trips.

Another reason for stopping is that when I went self employed during the height of the banking crisis, it just seemed a bit frivolous to take a holiday. Heck, I knew I wouldn't enjoy it as I would be thinking about all the work that needed to get done. So for nearly two years, I took no holidays.

Then as you now know, friends talked me into going to Montserrat for Christmas and I went back again in June for a family reunion. And now here we are, with me itching to get back on a plane. Somewhere in Africa or Asia would be ideal. Perhaps I can give some consideration for my next big holiday - most likely not until Spring 2012.

Why not before? Well I'm back in the corporate world but thankfully not in the city.

Earlier this year, one of my clients convinced me to join their company full time. It's sort of an ideal situation in that it's five minutes walking from my house and I must confess that not having to do everything related to running a business is quite appealing.

Being self employed was quite rewarding but it was also exhausting. Not only did I have to constantly win new clients, but also had to do the work and oh yeah, chase payments in between all the administrative stuff. This is not to say that I wouldn't go self employed again - would just make sure that it was a business that made money while I slept and there was residual/long term income from each client (so no consultancy!).

That said, I now get to focus on what I enjoy doing - marketing! Interestingly for a number of travel guides that promote four/five star hotels/resorts/holidays in exotic destinations. All of this adds to my desire to get on a plane and go around the world for awhile -- maybe for as long as a year on a travel sabbatical! I'd then come back and write a great travel book like my hero Paul Theroux!

But all in due time I suppose as preference is to travel with a partner. I know I can have fun on my own or even with friends and family - but there is something to be said for seeing/experiencing new places with a lover/boyfriend/partner!

Wondering what the heck global skin care company Nivea was thinking when they approved marketing campaign below.

As you can see, it has a neat-looking black man holding a decapitated afro haired version of his head with the words 'Re-Civilize Yourself' plastered over the picture.

Seriously! Come again! In the year two thousand and eleven, you'd think that a major brand like Nivea which has Rihanna as a spokesperson would have realised that a storm would brew from this ad.

Now I'm not one to jump on the politically correct bandwagon, but with the additional words "look like you give a damn" this ad campaign is completely inappropriate, culturally insensitive and borderline racist. Thus, how this got approved requires an internal investigation and perhaps some reflection on the part of Nivea's marketing management team.

Because really, are they trying to suggest to the millions of black people across the globe -- men and women -- that wear their hair natural that they don't care about their looks or that they are not civilised? Enquiry minds want to know.

The people who owned my house many moons ago were devoted gardeners. And as such, they planted a number of flowers, fruit trees and other assorted plants.

Each year when the flowers bloom and there are fruits on the trees, I'm completely amazed as I really don't pay enough attention to the garden. It's not because I don't want to; I just don't really know what to do.

Anyway, below is a picture of some ripe passion fruit from my garden. Just lovely and oh so yummy!

You can view photographs of my garden in my Home & Garden Facebook album.

I'm in a weird space. I'm tired and perhaps just still emotionally exhausted from all the recent drama. Also, must confess that I've been doing some emotional eating this past week and so end up shaking my head after seeing the number of the scale each morning. It's going in the wrong direction!

So this weekend, whatever the weather, I've got to get back out there and start walking again. I can't afford to continue on in this slumber because as noted by Robert Frost: "...life: it goes on."

So time to once again call upon inner strength as letting go and moving on will be much better for me in the long run. Plus days spent mourning about really what never was, is wasting energy and most likely causing me to miss out on opportunities to enjoy all that life has to offer to the max!

With much regret, I don't read as many books for pleasure. I read a lot for work and then spend way more hours that I care to admit on various social media and news sites. Hours that really could be better spent engaging in one of my favourite pastimes - reading a good novel, autobiography or travel book.

That said, earlier today I started reading: How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran. It's her coming of age autobiography written from a modern feminist point of view. It's funny as heck as well as thought provoking.

In chapter one, she recounts getting her period for the first time (traumatic!), becoming obsessed with masturbation (dreamlike!) and oh yeah, searching for the best sources of filth/porn - all of this in the late 80/early 90s - long before the internet make it just a click of a button away!

In this very first chapter she also makes the argument for a 100 per cent increase in the type of porn available to us. Particularly as "the vast majority of the porn out there is identikit and mechanical as fridge-freezers rolling off a production line." Thus we need more "free range porn." This kind of porn is apparently more "warm, humane, funny, dangerous, psychedelic with wholly different parameters to male porn."

Now considering that I'm uptight and like to use my own imagination, I don't visit porn sites and I'm not interested in watching porn period. From what little I've seen, Moran is right when she goes on to say that most pornography today is: "bizarre, mechanised, factory-farmed fucking: bloodless, naked aerobics, concerned solely with high-speed penetration and ostentatious ejaculation."

But if there was more of this free range kind based on desire - female desire where there was genuine chemistry between the couple and the woman actually had an orgasm, then perhaps I might be willing to give it a second look. Just maybe! [Until then I'll stick to property/house porn!]

Chapter two is all about our (really women's) obsession with removing unwanted hair not just from under arms and legs, but down below as well. She blames this on pornography (being clean shaven is apparently better for filming penetrative shots!) and advocates that women rebel and start to grow a proper muff - a big hairy minge. So no more Brazilians and Hollywoods! Sounds good to me as not only are all these hair removal treatments expensive but they also hurt like hell. But hey, let's not go into too many details here. Snicker! Snicker!

What's chapter three about? Breasts! What exactly about breasts? Don't know as yet but Moran definitely has got my attention and so look forward to speed reading this and the other eleven chapters. So far it's laugh out loud funny, somewhat irreverent and sexy/dirty - but in the thought provoking kind of way which makes it very acceptable reading for a modern feminist like me!

As mentioned in passing during previous post, another reason for backing away from my friendship with Basherter is that RacquetBallGuy has reappeared.

Until about six weeks ago, our contact was sporadic. And in all honesty, I was trying to practice the no contact rule but I really wasn't enforcing it.

Then one day early July, I found myself looking through YouTube for music (Basherter's influence) and then suddenly tried to remember the song that RacquetBallGuy use to sing to me. Not for life or money could I remember. So I texted him. His almost instant reply was for me to call him.

That then led to an initial conversation followed by further ones where he told me that he was trying to transfer from Chicago to London with his current employer. Now there a multitude of reasons for the transfer but I knew instinctively that I was the primary reason.

I was conflicted by this news because we'd been here before. But this opportunity seems more promising as there is a trip scheduled for October and if all goes well, the transfer will then be in motion.

Knowing this, I knew I was at a cross-road. I could continue on with the dating site (not much success there - too many weirdos) and maintain platonic friendship with Basherter which was emotionally engrossing or release myself from these situations so as to give RacquetBallGuy a fair shot on this next go around.

Of course, his transfer wasn't a done deal and as I was conflicted not surprisingly by our complex history, I just maintained the status quo. But the more I talked to RacquetBallGuy, the more I thought it could work.

He was much more forthcoming about what was happening in his life plus he answered many questions that were previously unanswered and I really got the impression that he had learnt the lessons since we separated. Plus, he was verbally articulating his willingness to give me what he knew I wanted: marriage, family, etc. So all very attractive and appealing.

He was prepared to put up with my stubbornness.

But oh what to do, what to do? There was Basherter -- unavailable in all sense of the word but who I was coming to the acknowledge I'd become emotionally attached to.

Now I had told Racquetball about Basherter, but I really hadn't gone into much detail. And so he was perhaps a bit blindsided when I filled him in last evening on the true context of our friendship.

For the record, he had asked me about Basherter as I'd made mention of him in previous blog posts, but apparently I'd been somewhat dismissive. Anyway, he listened and for the most part was considerate.

At no point did I consider not telling him. I knew I'd end up writing about it here and I firmly believe that if our relationship is to work, we need to be honest with one another. Thus, I had to reveal all.

Much to my annoyance, he was quite sympathetic to Basherter and gave him the benefit of the doubt. He wasn't defending him but gave me a male's point of view.

RacquetBallGuy's main point was that anytime a woman can contribute to something that a man is fanatical about, it's powerful. Furthermore, when you can dial into a man's passion, they say things that are affectionate. Finally, I had to acknowledge that some of the things were said while clearly being in the friend zone -- well at least from Basherter's standpoint.

But he did agree that based on his own experience, he most likely wouldn't have said some of the things Basherter said to me knowing that I liked him. Also, he too thought the mention of a fiancé on Basherter's Facebook page was a bit strange since there was no previous mention of a girlfriend.

This is where it almost ended. Somewhat laboured and uncomfortable on my part with a tiny bit of jealously on RacquetBallGuy's part that actually got him to join Facebook for a hot minute.

Overall, he understood and was sympathetic. I'd been trying to have a life so allowances needed to be made. Heck, he gave me what he called a hall pass for my birthday!

Anyway, right at this point when we were wrapping it up, RacquetBallGuy made some comment about my exboyfriends - mainly AirportGuy which totally incensed me. In that the relationship was a painful one, I resented him throwing stuff I'd said about it back in my face. Even if just in a joking manner.

This resulted in a somewhat tense discussion and we parted ways but not on the best of note. He accused me of being uptight and unable to laugh at myself. Now he did end up calling back to apologise but uncharacteristically since we reconnected, I haven't spoken to him or received a text today.

That's fine with me because really, I just need a bit of time to myself. There is way too much boy drama in my life. And as much as I like RacquetBallGuy and do want to try again, I don't want to rush anything. I want to be sure this is right for me, for us.

Plus we've been away from each other for a long while so the expectation that we're just going to pick right back up where we left off without any difficulty, was perhaps wishful thinking.

We definitely need to get to know one another again and that needs time. So don't want to rush anything.

More importantly, I don't want to feel like I'm settling and I definitely don't want him to feel that way either.

So going to slow this down. Like he said to me last night: "whereas I was coming at you at 55miles an hour, I'm now coming at you at 45miles an hour." That's actually fine by me.

I need time to process everything that has happened to me this past year -- heck this last week -- so that I can learn the lessons that God so clearly wants me to learn.

The senseless violence, looting, arson and rioting that happened in London and other parts of the UK last week is indefensible. And so it's understandable that everyone including myself is trying to better understand the root causes of this savage behaviour.

However, for the historian and broadcaster David Starkey to blame it on black culture and then equate black culture with gangsta culture is just beyond infuriating. Furthermore, David just shows himself to be a truly narrow-minded individual with the following incendiary statement:

'A substantial section of the chavs have become black. The whites have become black. A particular sort of violent, destructive, nihilistic gangster culture has become the fashion. Black and white, boy and girl operate in this language together. This language which is wholly false, which is a Jamaican patois, that's been intruded in England and this is why so many of us have this sense of literally a foreign country.'

Not only is this career ending comment inflammatory, but it is also dangerous and has the potential to cause further violence and unrest. Particularly as he brings up Enoch Powell -- another racist, who warned more than 40 years ago that immigration would ultimately cause conflict across our cities.

Yes initial protest was due to a black man being killed by a white police officer but the subsequent rioting and looting that happened last week especially outside of London, had little to do with race -- particularly when you factor in that there were looters across the racial divide and asian, white and black shopkeepers/businesses all came under assault. This was pure opportunistic theft and destruction.

Thus Starkey needs to shut his mouth. Other factors were at play here. More importantly, he knows very little about black culture. He is a historian whose speciality is the Tudor dynasty and Tudor period. He has zero credibility on this subject. So enough already with the racist stereotypes and generalisations. This is the last thing we need right now.

Yes the glorification of materialism in some gangsta rap songs perhaps influenced some of these youth to target particular stores -- but gangta rap music is but one type of hip hop music -- and hip hop music/culture which has gone mainstream is only one aspect of black culture. Furthermore, black culture with its many facets, does not equal gangsta culture.

That all being said, you can listen for yourself as Starkey so passionately makes his bigoted argument:

Utterly shocking. Thankfully, he was challenged on the BBC program but definitely not robustly enough. Below you will find a more compelling defence from Comedian Nabil Abdul Rashid.

CanadaGuy passed through London over the weekend and while I didn't get a chance to see him, we spoke at length via the phone.

One topic of conversation was Basherter. He actually knows him and had guessed his real identify based on a few snippets of information when I mentioned having a crush earlier this year. But in that I was trying to protect Basherter's privacy, I denied that he had guessed correctly.

That all changed yesterday as I really wanted to get a man's perspective on the situation. So I apologised to CanadaGuy for misleading him and then spilled my guts.

He had heard snippets before, but not the full story. And after yapping on for some time, he advised me to discontinue being so hard on msyelf and suggested that I get on a plane and go visit Basherter because there's something there -- a genuine connection.

That may be, but there is no way in hell that I'm going to chase a man who is unavailable in all sense of the word. I have already given him way too much of myself. Way, way too much.

I did so because whereas others like AirportGuy made me feel guilty for asking questions about his past, Basherter was quite transparent. He volunteered information.

Heck, in our first real conversation which lasted two hours, without me even asking, he told me about the breakdown of his marriage and the circumstances surrounding it. He continued to tell me things about himself without me always having to ask questions.

That was quite refreshing and to some degree caused me to lose myself to him. I trusted him. And in many ways, he helped to restore my faith in men. I felt extremely comfortable and wanted to share my hopes, dreams, secrets, everything about myself with him.

Initially in the partner sort of way and then the friend kind of way. Sure I struggled in my head with adjusting, but I persevered because I found it refreshing to speak to someone who understood so easily that which I was trying to achieve.

So if it's not just the distance but his own insecurities in measuring up to my expectations as CanadaGuy suggested that may have caused him to backtrack and place me in the friend bucket, that's really unfortunate.

But as I've said before, enough now. I can't do it anymore. Definitely not under these circumstances.

Despite the recent boy drama, anxiety due to London riots, etc. -- I really love where I'm at on this journey called life. Sure there is opportunity for major improvement, but the promise to self is to live my life to the fullest. Tomorrow isn't promised and I really have much to be thankful for! So no point sulking and feeling sorry for self. I am blessed!

Being at the Eastbourne International Airshow yesterday reminded me of being at the Chicago Air and Water Show along the lakefront!

It also made me realise that while I am content with where I am now, I miss Chicago and perhaps shouldn't have run away.

Because really, that's what I did -- run away from the problems and challenges I was facing then. So here now, when things are getting hot and heavy, vowing not to run away from London.

I need to make every effort to sort things out here and now. Moving to another location, while very attractive, isn't the answer. Perhaps in the future, but not now. I need to really work on me and sort a few things out!

Because "running away from problems is not only futile, it leads to a false sense of security. The erroneous premise is that your problems can be left behind by utilizing one or more strategies. The reality is, problems follow you until they are resolved."

Anyway, here is one of my favourite photographs from the Eastbourne Airshow!

Additional photographs from this event can be viewed in my Facebook Day Out: Eastbourne Airshow album.

Before Friday, only two people knew Basherter's true identity. My elder sister and ScandinaviaGuy. And ScandinaviaGuy only knew as after the situation with AirportGuy, I vowed that if I ever again starting communicating with someone from Montserrat who had romantic potential, I was going to ask at least one male friend about the person's character.

I perhaps would have told others, but Basherter is a private person and didn't really want me talking about "us" with Montserrat people. In that it's a small island and gossip does spread, I figured I would comply with the condition that if things got to the next level, I was going to publicly acknowledge.

I don't like secret relationships of any kind. And this one was secretive. I regret that because now when I need to talk it out so I can put it all behind me, I can't now admit to my friends it was so and so and he did such and such.

It's not fair to him and it's not fair to me! Damn! Why do I keep doing this to myself? Considering the distance and what he said in the beginning and how I was feeling, I knew how it would end. And that's just me getting hurt.

I'm not good at having platonic friendships with men if I like them...really really like them.

And so his lack of understanding for my difficulty in maintaining a strictly platonic friendship that was close in light of what I was feeling leaves me feeling foolish and somewhat humiliated by the whole situation.

And to be accused of having ulterior motives when there were none, is a major slap in the face!

Heck, I could have just continued pretending that all was well. But I chose to be honest and say that I was having difficulty with it all. It's not like I didn't try to walk away from it all before.

God, seriously, why me? I know there is a lesson here but I'm really tired of making the wrong choices when it comes to men! I'm really tired of the drama!

So enough now. I get it!

No more men in distant lands. And no more wasting time with men who are emotionally unavailable and won't admit what they really want.

Furthermore: enough ruminating, enough obsessing and enough over-thinking!

Time for action, positive action!

That means getting others to respect my boundaries. Because, "having boundaries isn't just about ensuring that people don't disrespect me- It's about ensuring that I don't keep putting myself in situations where I end up disrespecting myself."

After the drama with Basherter yesterday, it was good to have a day out at the Eastbourne Airshow with friends! But have to say that I'm now once again annoyed with the whole situation.

Particularly as his status update now reads: "the giving of my friendship should not and will not be determined by an ulterior motive, it shall be true and without judgment."

I am assuming this was meant for me and as such it makes me furious because he appears to be suggesting that I had some hidden agenda with regards to our friendship.

Now I won't deny that I liked him and told him as much, but I had no ulterior motives. I never tried to change his mind with regards to us getting involved. Since he lived across the ocean, I agreed with the decision and have tried to walk away from it all.

But he was the one that talked me out of ending our friendship two months ago. And for the record, I never tried to cross the line and flirt once he said what he said. He was the one who did.

Plus since that most humbling of conversation which bruised my ego, I've kept my distance and 95% of the contact continued to be initiated by him. Sure I actively engaged and spoke to him at length when he Skyped me, but it wasn't like I was sitting there waiting for his messages/calls every day. I do now wish I wasn't so available and responsive.

But it wasn't me a mere two week ago who said: "sometime today when you can you should share your cam with me..have not seen you in a while." It wasn't me who said: "I like you because I like you." It wasn't me who said: "I need you." It wasn't me who said: "...but you are what I need." It wasn't me who said: "I am glad I met you."

Now if a man just wanted a platonic relationship, why would he say these things in any context?

Why would he try so hard to maintain the friendship? Perhaps because he had some ulterior motives of his own? Who knows!

Now I may be somewhat naïve on matters of the heart, but I know that our friendship served some purpose, some need that wasn't being met elsewhere. Again, he initiated the majority of contact and spoke to me A LOT!

Christ! I saw it for what it was but I just didn't have the strength to remove myself from the situation which unfortunately caused me to get sucked in further than was really necessary!

And to prove my point - if push comes to shove - I will post here on my blog all 200 pages of transcript from our Skype chats. The flirting was quite overt in the beginning and then it shifted. It stopped having sexual overtones, but he definitely continued filling my head with all sorts of compliments like the ones above that one would expect to hear from a man who was interested or was doing all he could to maintain a friendship for his own personal gain.

So whatever! And as Bob Marley said: "the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." Men like Basherter with their hearts in an icebox (his words) are not worth suffering for - so enough already.

I was going to do a write-up of my birthday yesterday, but really what is there to tell beyond the fact that I went to the movies to see Bridesmaids (not very funny!). This was followed by browsing some of my favourite London bookstores and then having a very yummy dinner at Coq d'Argent. So a good day all around, but years from now I wouldn't deem it entirely memorable.

What is more memorable and pressing to note is that I am no longer speaking with Basherter.

Things came to a head today via our conversation on Skype. Much to my disappointment he hadn't acknowledged my birthday yesterday and now here he was offering belated birthday greetings.

I then decided to use the opportunity to ask him to clarify/confirm something I'd viewed on his Facebook page earlier in the week. Basically, it had suggested he might be engaged. Now considering we typically speak several times a week for an extended period, I was rather surprised that I didn't know of a girlfriend never mind wife-to-be!

He said I was mistaken. And as the note was no longer there and was originally written by someone else, I just let it be because I trust him. Perhaps foolishly, but he's been quite honest throughout our rekindled friendship so really, I had no reason to doubt him.

That said, what this whole episode made me realise is that as much as I was trying to be a big girl about things, I still had a crush and I was finding it quite complex to be his friend. And so it was probably best to take a break from the friendship. Unlike other people, I find it difficult to turn off my "like" for someone if I continue to regularly speak to them and oh yeah the conversations provide intellectual stimulation.

You see because the flirting had stopped, it had forced us to talk about a whole host of other things. Thus, the connection for me was stronger despite the fact that I agreed with him that a long distance relationship was impractical and unwise.

Thus for him, it was just fun and games. In fact, he basically told me that our conversations--often several times a week -- weren't all that special about a month ago. Apparently he had similar conversations with other women. I was baffled and wondered how the hell he found the time as most of our chats were lengthy.

In the middle of this devastating news which made me just want to end it then and there, we got talking about a number of things which caused me to see value in the friendship and then decide to continue on. Foolish me!

Yes I questioned the sanity of my decision but I wasn't strong enough to hold my ground. But I did wonder, more and more, what I getting out of the relationship? It appeared to be all one sided. His needs were being met as the focus was mostly on him and his project -- but mine wasn't. Plus I was too available to him.

And not only was he physically unavailable, but in many ways, he was emotionally unavailable. He has been married before and with two near teenage children isn't really looking to do the family thing again.

Also, while I was providing lots of marketing input on a personal project he was trying to get off the ground -- which caused him to further stroke my ego, it just left me feeling empty because his offer of friendship wasn't enough. It never would be enough. I had put him in the beyond the friendship box and despite my best effort to downgrade, I was finding it near impossible.

So really, I needed take a break from our budding friendship of 8months - a very long break and I surprised myself for admitting as much.

This revelation led him to accuse me of faking our friendship these last few months - but really I hadn't been. I'd been genuinely trying to view him in a different light. And I was succeeding to some degree.

However, because of what I saw on his page and his declaration that even with our closeness if he did get engaged again I might still find out on Facebook like everyone else, I just decided to throw my hands up and call it for what it was.Because really, this wasn't an honest friendship and I wanted to go into operation UB survival. Partly because my usual way of dealing with this sort of thing is to cry it out and then erase the person from memory. To continue on in this fashion was just torment.

It is for this reason why I don't memorise people's phone numbers, enforce the no contact rule and will delete people from being my friend on Facebook. Perhaps extreme, but it's how I cope. Particularly as I am more in tune with what I want and so when I'm done, I'm done. I don't need the constant reminder about what could have been.

Plus, to linger would be detrimental -- especially now that RacquetballGuy has reappeared and wants to give our relationship another go. Of course, he needs to lock down a transfer to London and oh yeah, we need to talk out a whole of issues.

But whatever happens with that, I know I need to distance myself and stop investing so much time with people like Basherter (who hasn't turned out to be much of a soul mate) who are simply incapable or don't wish to offer me that which I truly desire.

A little bit of love handles and junk in the trunk, but really liking my 41 year old self!

The picture above was taken June 2011, Woodlands Beach, Montserrat!

Should say that I took this picture as I have one of my mother at this same beach in almost the same pose wearing a similar swimsuit. And so I wanted to replicate. It helps to keep her memory alive.

That said, no tears of sadness today. The events earlier this week had me in a bit of a funk but definitely feeling better on this my 41st Birthday!

The additional police on the streets of London helped to calm and restore order last night. Heck, here in Bromley in was really quiet, almost too quiet. I found it a bit eerie.

But hey, I'm not going to complain too much. I long for things to go back to the way they were, but thinking that won't happen for some time. So I'm tired and still on edge. And if I'm being completely honest, I just want to run away - far, far away from here.

Where exactly, I am not hundred per cent sure but the nomad in me wants to get up and go. I don't want to live amongst savages, even if it's just a small percentage that are this way. This characterisation may be harsh, but really, what does it say about a city/country, when children behave this way?

Children as young as ten were out looting and rioting. And for what exactly? A new mobile phone? A plasma screen TV? A new pair of sneakers? How could they think that destroying people's homes and businesses made sense? How could they be so cruel and engage in arson? How could they destroy their own communities and then turn on others who had done them no harm?

Whatever the issues/challenges (high unemployment, increased school fees, etc.) violence and mayhem is not justified. And so I hope that those who participated are punished to the full extent of the law. An example needs to be set. Behaviour of this kind will not be tolerated, not now, not ever!

Having spent my formative years on the mean streets of Boston, I am pretty fearless. I will go almost anywhere. Heck, I've flown into former eastern bloc countries on my own and have experienced all that these countries have to offer without knowing the local language or people personally.

Now after what happened on the streets of Bromley and elsewhere in the city of London last night, not so fearless. The violence, looting and arson are completely senseless and unjustified. And in that the youth (yobs) are getting bolder, it is major cause for concern.

Heck, last night in Bromley they were circling my street and the others surrounding the centre of Bromley all in an effort to get into the Glades Shopping Centre which has about 135+ shops - most of them high end. Thankfully the police were able to hold them back but they did cause a lot of ruckus. And for the first time in my life, I didn't feel completely safe in not just my neighbourhood but my own house.

I actually ended up spending most of the evening with a neighbour as I was truly petrified. They offered to let me spend the night but in that I knew I would be worried about my own property, decided to sprint home and barricade myself in. But I wasn't comfortable and my sleep wasn't restful. I actually slept on the couch fully clothed with shoes on and had an emergency bag to my side -- just in case I needed to quickly bolt from the house.

Now there are to be 16,000 police on the streets of London tonight. How many will be in Bromley not exactly sure but I image the number will be higher than last night. The chatter on the street is that the yobs will be back to finish what they started. The police must be aware of this plan as I saw more police on the High Street this afternoon than I'd seen all together in the three years I've lived here.

It's all rather unsettling as not only is there cause for concern in Bromley, but also nationwide as the violence and mayhem has spread. No longer is it the Tottenham or London riots but now the UK riots. There is unrest in Birmingham, Manchester, Bristol and beyond. Basically, things have escalated and are beyond out of control.

The police do not have control of the streets. They do not have control of this growing crisis. The looters who lack respect for other people's hard earned personal property and businesses never mind rule of law are in charge. The lawlessness is just out of this world. It's something you would expect to see in a movie or some war-torn city elsewhere in the world, not in London; not in Bromley!

Hopefully the increased police presence will make a difference and restore law and order -- but thinking it will be some time before I feel so carefree about where I live, work and play.

What I didn't mention in the Brixton Splash post is that late last night after the festival ended, there was rioting and looting in Brixton. Can't say I'm all that surprised as there were lots of people drinking in the streets of Brixton when I left. So I'm sure it gave the criminal element in the neighbourhood a reason to come out and mingle amongst the festival goers with a view to causing disturbance late into the evening.

Now today there are further skirmishes in Peckham and Lewisham which is getting a bit too close for comfort. Meaning when it was in North London, I was concerned, but hey, what could I do. Now as the violence, looting and rioting has moved to South London am getting nervous as I live in the centre of Bromley.

Granted it's still some distance away and the demographics of my neighbourhood is quite different from the other affected areas, one can never really tell. No longer is this about seeking answers to Mark Duggan's death but more so an organisation by criminals to cause mayhem and thievery.

It is complete anarchy and the police just don't seem to be able to bring things under control. The end result is that the violence is spreading. And oh yeah, the Mayor of London is on holiday. Apparently he is coming back tomorrow but he is only doing so after mounting pressure. Either way, the situation is deeply worrying as no longer is this just the Tottenham riots but the London riots.

Things are out of control. There are not enough police on the streets to restore and maintain law and order! I say its time to bring in the military to aid in taking back the city.

I woke up feeling tired yesterday, Sunday. And as it was raining, I planned to just stretch out on the couch for much of the day.

However, around eleven, decided to check out Brixton Splash a free community street festival.

Now considering the riots in Tottenham, Brixton with its troubled history is probably the last place most people would think to go. However, because it was a family type event in the middle of the afternoon and I knew the police would be out in force, decided to give it a whirl.

I really wanted some jerk chicken with rice and peas - and as the festival would have a Caribbean flair, I thought, why not go! Plus I could also pick up some additional supplies (fish!) for the week.

So after putzing around a bit more, got myself together and managed to get to the event around 2pm. The police were indeed out in full force. They were at the train station and walking throughout the event.

I proceeded to walk around for some time jamming to the mostly Reggae music and people watching. I was also trying to decide which food stall I was going to eat at. I figured if I was going to blow my diet eating starchy calorie rich foods, I wanted to select the best option. That I would size up from the BBQ grill and number of people around the stall.

While in search, I found a stand selling coconuts for £2.50 each. Like the mango on Saturday for £2, while expensive, I just couldn't pass it up. This was yet another thing I hadn't gotten enough of while in Montserrat. So I drank the delicious coconut water and then eat the jelly. I almost got some sugar cane too, decided to save that treat for another day.

In any event, after the enjoyment of the coconut which totally made my day, I walked around even more, chatted to a few people and then settled on a place to purchase what would be my dinner. And in that I didn't want to eat standing up, I decided to take it home. I really wanted to savour the food as I knew it would be some time before I would eat like this again.

Why? Well I don't know how to cook Caribbean food. I know, scandalous! But in my defence, I was never in the kitchen growing up as a child and I thought I had a lifetime to learn from my mother. That was not to be. And now I'm better at cooking Italian dishes like lasagne than dishes that are native to my culture.

Shame really. Perhaps I can find someone to give me lessons. Or maybe I'll meet a nice man of Caribbean heritage who knows how to cook. Wishful thinking, but hey - a girl can still dream!

Another reason for walking what by most standards is an excessive amount in one day on Saturday was the weather. There was talk of rain on Sunday. Heck, it's one of the reasons why I was home at the weekend.

You see I was supposed to be at Britchcombe Farm in Oxfordshire with about 125 other people camping and hiking. But I backed out because of the rain. The reality is that as much I like the great outdoors, I am not interested in camping when it's wet -- especially in England where it's typically a damp wet that just seeps into your bones.

Anyway, while on Saturday's walk which I did at a leisurely pace, I took tons of pictures - around 325 to be exact. Below is one of my favourites.

You can view more in my Around Bromley: Nature Facebook album.

Last night, a friend posted on my Facebook page: "Stay safe -- I see things are burning in London."

I had no idea what he was talking about so turned to BBC News. Sure enough, there were visuals of fires raging in the Tottenham area of North London. This morning, I wake to see further visuals of the devastation. The pictures are just awful and heartbreaking.

Apparently it all kicked off as the police didn't come out to give answers to a grieving family. Then what was a peaceful demonstration morphed into a full scale riot.

Now regardless of the discontent and frustration with the police and others of authority, there is nothing to be gained by looting shops, burning homes, buildings and police cars. So shame on the people who caused such mayhem! Their actions are a complete disgrace.

Yes the police have questions to answer regarding the death of Mark Duggan. But why not wait for the independent police investigation to conclude? Why riot? Why loot?

Now it's the local people who will suffer more -- their possessions stolen and homes burnt out. Plus the devastation to local businesses will now leave them for sometime without a post office, fitness centre, newsagent, and other local shops to purchase food and supplies. Never mind the depreciation in property values.

So really, what were the rioters thinking? Their actions are a complete shame and sensible people would know that it wouldn't be worth it. Also, it wasn't going to help them get answers and justice if deserving any faster.

Either way, violence of this kind cannot be tolerated. And what will most likely follow is heavy action by the police which I'm sure is going to cause further tension in the community.

Not good. Not good at all!

I couldn't stop thinking about mangoes so I went back to Sainsbury's today. Heck, I went during the middle of my 16 mile walk while in Chislehurst. And yippee, they had some in stock. Yum! Yum!

I walk a lot - either regular or Nordic walking. It is my primary way of toning up the body and keeping weight under control.

Ideally, I'd walk every day, first thing in the morning since I enjoy the great outdoors and feel that it sets up the day nicely. I usually feel invigorated and ready to take on any challenge before me.

However, most morning, I find myself hitting the snooze button because really - who wants to get up at 5am? Definitely not me!

That said, today was different. I was up and out quite quickly and walked 16 miles.

The initial goal was 8miles but then I was still some distance away from my house on the loop back and so goal became 12 miles. Then on getting closer to my house, realised I wasn't going to make the new 12 miles goal, so headed in a different direction and ended up walking 16.54miles to be exact.

I know the exact mileage, duration, pace, speed, elevation climb, calories burned and a whole host of other variables because in the last few months I've started to use an iPhone app called RunKeeper when I'm out exercising.

The summary for the day, month and then year to date helps to keep me honest, motivated and in many ways has pushed me to go further. Heck, prior to using it, there's no way I would have walked 16 miles in one go.

Sure I had ambitions in the past to run the Chicago Marathon, but in that I've got shaky knees, I gave up on that dream long ago. But who knows, perhaps I can increase my walking speed to finish a marathon in a respectable time.

Not committing to anything just yet - but definitely think I should train for a race.

So perhaps I should look at training to speed walk a half marathon or maybe a 10K. That's only 6.4miles.

It's 70 degrees Fahrenheit in London today. Hot, but not hot enough for August! I'd like it to at least 80 degrees. Since the probability of that is slim, I'd to be in the Caribbean - in Montserrat to be exact. My time there in June was way too short and I didn't get to eat enough fresh fruits.

I want more cherries, guavas, guineps, sour sop, sweet sop, coconut, mamisiporte and mangoes, mangoes and more mangoes! Heck, the craving was so strong today that I went to the grocery store in search. And while there were some mangoes, they had didn't look all that appealing.

So instead of fresh fruit, I got some white chocolate cookies - five in fact which I totally devoured. Now I am feeling kinda sick and oh yeah guilty as one really was enough. Oh well! Just means I'll have to walk an extra mile or two tomorrow to burn off the calories.

This photo speaks to me in so many ways. Apparently the verbiage is the manifesto for Holstee, a company that designs and makes products with a conscience!

The Boston Globe wrote an article profiling the class reunion at the Burke. So major congratulations goes out to the committee for getting coverage in the leading Boston newspaper.

Back to school

Jeremiah E. Burke High's first reunion in decades brings back old friends and treasured memories to a newly renovated building

July 31, 2011|By J.M. Lawrence, Globe Correspondent

If the walls of the Jeremiah E. Burke High School in Dorchester could talk, those concrete blocks would remember the first kiss high school sweethearts Darren Graham and Danielle Hines shared in the 1980s.

"It was in the stairwell on the third floor,'' Danielle Hines-Graham revealed with a sly smile, amid squeals of recognition and celebration at the first Burke High School reunion in decades. Graham is now her husband of 20 years.

No Burke class since at least 1980 has ever had an official reunion. This weekend marks a series of events celebrating alumni from 1980 to 2000, culminating in a dance party last night and a cookout today at Franklin Park.

In high school, I threw my hat in the race to become Senior Class President. My opponent was a popular all-star basketball player and not surprisingly, I lost by a landslide.

So why did I enter the race knowing full well it was a popularity contest and the outcome would be against me? Well, I believed then that I was the ideal candidate and had the time, energy and commitment to deliver on those things that truly mattered to the senior class. Most of the class -- well with the exception of the nerds/geeks/band/drama kids! -- thought differently!

In fairness to my opponent, she did manage to pull it together for the class, except in one area - no senior yearbook! How that happened is still not exactly clear but it left a lot of my classmates and I pissed off. We missed out on having this most important high school treasure.

Anyway, I am thinking about this now - some 23 years later, as last weekend, the school -- the Jeremiah E. Burke High School had a reunion for students who graduated during the years 1980 - 2000. I had toyed with the idea of attending but in the end decided not to go due to work commitments. Also, in all honesty, having just spent a great deal of money organising/attending my own family reunion in June, I didn't want to spend more money crossing the ocean for a trip that I wasn't 100% sure about! As the snob in me was pretty sure I'd outgrown most of my former classmates.

Now in hindsight, I wish I'd gone. The pictures from the three day event look joyous. And most people - even some who were awful to me in high school, have been rather nice via the group's Facebook page. I suppose like me they have grown and matured and really - I need to let bygones be bygones. The bond is still strong and the love is ever flowing!

So will do all I can to be at the next reunion. Let's hope it won't take another 20 years. The school is not in the best neighbourhood or known for its academic prowess (heck, it almost lost its accreditation in the late 1990s), but it provided a solid foundation and opened many doors by extension through the Urban Scholars Program. So for that I'm extremely grateful and consider myself a Burke Bulldog for life.

Woof! Woof!

There are now so many social media sites that its a bit difficult at times to decide which one you should be on or visiting regularly.   Graphic below should help you decide.

AirportGuy reappeared a few weeks ago. Long-time readers will know that I met him at the airport in Montserrat (December 2006) and started a whirlwind romance that I knew instinctively was doomed almost from the beginning.

I say this now in hindsight, but there were clear signs at the beginning that all was not well in Paradise. But hey, I got caught up in the moment and didn't do my normal due diligence. Anyway, I endured for about ten months and then finally built up the courage to say enough was enough.

I would have done it sooner, but as until then I hadn't really broken up with anyone before - I was nervous about ending it. So for months I agonised over the decision. I suppose I'd hope that the additional time would provide him with the opportunity to make things right. That never happened.

Anyway, he found out about my trip to Montserrat for family reunion and via Facebook inquired why I hadn't informed him of my visit.

I politely replied that since he had said such awful things to me the last time we spoke, I saw no real reason to keep up the pretence of a friendship. Sure I would be civil if I ran into him, but I wasn't going to seek out opportunities to speak or socialise with him.

This caused him great offense and between telling me that I needed to check myself -- he proceeded to once again profess his undying love for me. I in turn just brushed it all aside because he's still married - something he forgot to tell me when we first started dating and even now won't admit to.

At any rate, even if he wasn't now still married, I'd be a fool to get back with him after what I now know. So I thank the Lord that things never got more serious because as much as I want the happily ever after, he is so not the one.

I have a love/hate relationship with food. It all started around September 1988 when I left the comforts of Boston for college at the University of Michigan. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I had gained the freshmen ten - heck, who am I kidding fifteen pounds.

Since then, my weight has been like a roller coaster ride - sometimes up and sometimes down. The frustrating thing is that I don't really overeat or binge on cookies, chocolate, etc. I just don't always make smart choices about what I put in my mouth (i.e. given the choice between a baked potato and french fries -- I'd take the fries!). So, with each cycle, I get frustrated. I hate the fat stages. My self-esteem dips, most activities make me uncomfortable and really I just want to hibernate.

But I think I've found the solution to help manage my weight and turned it around for good. I've coined it the Facebook Diet. No it has nothing to do with weaning oneself away from the popular social media site due to other personal or professional commitments. It's more about making conscious choices when it comes to food because I don't want to be "the fat one" in the pictures!

The reality is that I am a single woman with a lot going on and I can't be on Facebook all the time to quickly untag myself in unflattering photos. Also, I don't want to go to the extreme and not allow myself to be tagged.

And so while sort of shallow, I've been following the Facebook Diet since January 2011. This has really forced me to look at food in a new light and really work on getting my weight under control through healthy eating and exercise. I can't say that I've got everything figured out or that I haven't tried a crazy food plan since then to lose a few pounds, but pleased with progress to date.

Therefore, I can't afford to let things backslide -- not just for vanity reasons but for health reasons as well. I'm getting older and it is getting harder to lose weight. Plus excess weight is a contributing factor in many health conditions. Thus, I need to maintain and continue to lose until I reach my ideal body weight. With twenty more pounds still the shed, the objective is to reach target by January 2012.

Once I reach goal, maintenance will begin. And while I'm sure I'll have some difficult days/weeks/months/years -- the thought that I might be once again "the fat one" in the picture will be enough to get me back on track.

So you see -- Facebook isn't all bad. It is helping to keep me accountable and motivated. Thus it has become one of my secret weapons in living a happier and healthier life!

The 30 Day Blogging Challenge came together quite quickly.  Via Google+ on 20^th July, I asked my extended network of friends, if anyone was still blogging and more importantly would they be willing to participate in a 30, 60 or 90 day challenge.    I also asked on Facebook as well. 

You see, after the family reunion, I'd hope to start daily blogging again but the words just didn't seem to come.  So I thought I'd look for a blog challenge that was getting ready to start.  Unfortunately, timing was off and thus the idea to start one of my own. 

What's been amazing is the response.   In a matter of two weeks, I've pulled together 10 other participants.  No it is not a large number, but it's big enough and I'm really excited.

Participating in this journey are friends I made during the early years of blogging, former classmates, colleagues, new associates and friends from the early part of my life.  There blogs include: 

All About George

Enjoy & Exciting

Girl Geek in Training  

Le blog d'Olivier Lecerf   

Marilyn's Design Studio 

Theo's View of the World 

Truly Caribbean Woman 

Whirl Girl Wanda

Also participating is my good friend Carlos Butler from Chicago who is blogging via his Google+ account.   Finally another former work colleague who has agreed to join the challenge when she gets back from holiday on 20^th August.  Sure it's halfway through the challenge, but better late than never right?

Anyway, be sure to check out these blogs through the month of August.   The focus of each is quite different and I'm sure they'll each make good reading. 

Nine years ago I started this blog to document my personal history.  The objective was to chronicle my daily life so that years into the future I and perhaps others could look back and marvel at my growth and development.  And for many years, I was quite diligent with keeping up the blog.  Even after blogging became mainstream and co-workers found out about the blog after being profiled in the Chicago Tribune.  Yes, that was definitely a highlight. 

So what happened?  Why did I lose my way?  Well two main reasons.  The first is that as my blog became more popular and well known amongst real world family and friends, I began to self edit.  Partly because I didn't want to hurt any ones feelings and also because people stopped calling me.  Instead they'd just read my blog to keep up with me.  That was frustrating as while I was pretty out there with what I posted, I didn't put everything on the blog. 

The second reason is that in the last few years, my focus shifted.  It changed when I left my very high profile and lucrative marketing job at a global firm at the height of the banking crisis and set up my own business.   No question it was risky, but it came after careful planning and consideration.   And as the journey has had many highs and lows, blogging about routine things just wasn't a high priority as needed to focus on building the business. 

That said, I do miss blogging.  Heck, I read my archives from time to time and smile to myself as it brings back so many memories - memories I'd long forgotten but will now be with me for my lifetime because of the blog. 

So I want to get back on track with documenting my personal history.  Heck, I was inspired when I went to family reunion in June and listed to my Great Aunt Dorothy tell these amazing stories.  Her memory of life as it happened over 90 years is near perfect.  Mine in all honesty isn't so good.  Sometimes, I have problems remembering what happened last month.  So that's where thing blog comes in hand and why I need to get back on track.

To help do that, I've gather together a few friends for a 30 day blogging challenge.  It is the hope that at the end of the 30 days, I'll feel reinvigorated and will continue for the foreseeable future.  

So the journey begins again.  Raw fear is what I feel!