February 2012 Archives

So one by one, the men in my life (really the dead weight) are dropping like flies. This is happening as I'm quite conscious of the fact that time is fluttering by, so I need to make room in my life for a potential new partner.

Heck, I'm optimistic that this year (2012) will be the year I meet my life partner, my soulmate! Why? Well I went to this psychic last December and during the reading she so easily told me about specific events from my past, that when it came to her predictions for my future, I'm confident they will come true. So it's all about getting my mind, body and soul ready to welcome all that is coming to me. I can't wait.

My life so far has been truly blessed but it's also been quite lonely. Yes, I'm admitting that. Sure it's great to have family and friends who love and care about you - but without a life partner to share things with, there is a certain emptiness. Now don't get me wrong, I don't need a man to complete me, I just would like someone to share things with; someone to build a life and family with. And oh yeah, look after me now again. Having to do things alone is exhausting.

And now is my time, my moment. Destiny is on my side -- so past relationships or negative thoughts are not going to stop me from moving forward and having the kind of life that I so desire. I've been through my worst and the best is definitely yet to come.

So I haven't heard from RacquetballGuy; not a word since he cut the holiday short and left prematurely last October. Heck, he didn't even call or send a text to say that he arrived safely back in Chicago. I'm not surprised. I did tell him that if he left without us really trying to sort matters, I wanted no contact.

Enough was enough and I really meant it. In many ways, him being here had brought about the long desired closure I needed. Sure I had initially thought it would be a rekindling of our romance, but the reality is that I couldn't trust him. I couldn't trust him to be there during the difficult times and so for me, that was a major deal breaker. I need someone in my life that isn't going to retreat like a shrinking violet when things go wrong, when things get difficult.

So do I expect to hear from him at any point in the future? Yes! Men find it difficult to stay away. That's not me being arrogant, that's just the reality. And if he does move to London this spring, then I expect to hear from him, sooner rather than later. But the reality is that if when he calls, I won't engage as I have nothing more to say to him. We're not a match on any level. Thus, there is no room in my life for him. And no, I'm not interested in maintaining a friendship of any kind. Not at this stage in my life. I really don't have time or the energy to deal with ex-boyfriends that I once thought could be my future husband and father to my children.

Heck, even if they weren't "husband material," I still don't want to maintain contact. I've had to say this to MrFixItGuy a few times last year. Heck, I've ignored 99% of his calls and text messages and he still pursues. Comical really, because when I wanted him to pay attention to me, he was off being distracted elsewhere. And now that I want nothing to do with him, he's is chasing and said he won't give up until he wins me back.

Anyway, that's that. I'm done with the dead weight. Time to move on and I know I can't do that if I'm looking back and allowing these old relationships/friends to still dominate.

So towards the end of January, I spurred a friend on to start a blog and I told him that I'd commit to posting two to three times a week. Not just about the fluff stuff, but about things that really mattered to me.

Getting him to start, was an incentive for me to recommit myself. I've been trying and meaning to commit more seriously to this blog, but simply haven't properly followed through. This is despite the fact that I'd really, really like to document my personal history more. The journey is like a roller coaster with many highs and lows and so years from now, I really do want to look back on all that I've been through.

So instead of just posting on Facebook, I need to do it more here. Because really on Facebook, I say a lot but then I don't really say much. It's all surface stuff not because I don't want to share my real self. More that I'm not sure it's the right forum. Plus it would be disjoined and I'd hate for someone to read a post out of context and without benefit of previous posts.

So, here's goes another attempt to recommit. To tell me story, honestly and openly without worry or fear as to what others will think of me. For better or worse, this is after all supposed to be a documentation of my: no so secret history.